Networking tips if you hate networking

In a job market where any open role can get hundreds of applications, how do you stand out? Networking is still the most common answer. But what if you hate it?

Networking has a lot of payoffs. It can lead to job referrals or job leads, intel on a company you’re interviewing with, mentors and people to reach out to for advice or interview practice, freelancing or project leads or collaborators, people to attend other networking events with, etc.

There are a lot of benefits, but a lot of people put zero time or effort into networking. It can be intimidating, it can feel forced or fake or inauthentic, and it’s yet another thing you don’t have time for.

I have come to really enjoy networking, although I didn’t always. I’m naturally a somewhat introverted or shy person - but like any other skill I’ve developed, I learned how to get over it and network anyway.

Keep reading below for my tips.

Photo by Rhys B for Women in Data Science Chicago

It’s just making friends with a similar career path

Let go of the idea that networking is this stuffy, formal, structured activity. It’s just meeting other people with similar careers. That’s it. And here’s a secret: you don’t have to talk about work. Yes, it’s an easy icebreaker to ask “what do you do?” or “where do you work?” at a networking event. Industry trends are also a common topic.

But you can get a little more interesting - ask things like “what was your path to your current role?” “Did you always want to do xyz?” “What did you study in school?” “What do you like the most about this type of work?” “What did you want to be when you grew up?”

And you can even ask about topics that have nothing to do with work! “What are your hobbies?” “What neighborhood do you live in?” “Do you have any upcoming vacation plans?”

You might be pleasantly surprised to discover you have more in common than you think. You can even ask them to do something together that isn’t related to your jobs.

Everyone feels awkward

Especially if you work in a heads-down / solo IC line of work, you’re not the only one who feels awkward or uncomfortable trying to make small talk. The other people around you are probably so distracted by their own nerves that they won’t notice if you seem nervous too. And if they’re at the event solo, they’re probably questioning why they showed up at all, if they’ll talk to anyone, or if they can leave with no one noticing.

So be their hero. Go up to them. Introduce yourself and ask what they do. Borrow any of the questions in this post and get a conversation going. If you notice other people standing around alone, not talking to anyone, try to bring them into your conversation.

Don’t reach for your phone

I do it too - the second I feel awkward or bored, I reach for my phone. But this sends a “don’t talk to me” signal, which is the opposite of what you should be sending out at a networking event. So put your phone away.

I also recommend this for other situations, not just networking events. We’ve lost the ability to be bored. To clear our mind and let it wander. We also are constantly sending this closed-off signal, when we’re out in public (or out with friends) but glued to our phones. I don’t know about you, but I’m trying to break this habit and be present in whatever I’m doing, or give my brain some stimulation breaks throughout the day.

The more niche, the better

I don’t attend “general” networking events. The more niche and targeted it is for me, the better. If it’s just “tech networking,” it’s probably not going to be a good use of my time. I prefer if it is at least analytics or data science-related, or women in tech or data.

This way, I know there are going to be people with something in common. It’s easier to approach people and ask a question and keep a conversation going. And I know the connections I make are going to be more useful.

You can network anywhere

My main hobbies are social fitness. Dance classes, volleyball leagues, running clubs, fitness classes or groups. It’s a great way to meet people I have something in common with, plus it makes it easier to fit both working out and socializing into my schedule.

And wouldn’t you know, people who are motivated enough to show up for a 6am workout or a weekly run are also very motivated in their careers. I have met tons of folks through these groups who work in tech, Fortune 500, and even in analytics and data science roles. So don’t be afraid to ask folks what their jobs are.

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How do you feel about networking? Do you dread it or love it? What tips do you have to make it easier? Let us know in the comments!